As Halloweekend kicks off the holidays, the first thing a good party host should do is read this

By Kristen Rogers, CNN

(CNN) — Party-hosting vets and newbies, the high season is officially here: This Halloweekend kicks off the most wonderful time of the year, with many other holidays and festivities to come. But are your planning and execution skills up to par?

“I’ve had more people this year say I’m hosting something for the first time in years,” said etiquette expert Myka Meier, founder of Beaumont Etiquette in New York City. “People are so over virtual everything. They’re kind of craving that social interaction.”

Gatherings add meaning to our lives, said Gina Jokilehto, owner and creative director of Shi Shi Events, a wedding planning and design firm based in Cleveland. “There is something very special and wonderful about celebrating your life, romanticizing your life, providing experiences for both you and those around you that are elevated and meaningful and memorable.”

So, time for a Hosting 101 refresher. But first, give yourself lots of grace. Even seasoned, well-meaning hosts occasionally commit a faux pas. I have thrown Halloween parties, bridal and baby showers, birthday parties, Christmas gatherings, and game nights. Yet every now and then, I run short on time and find myself distracted and stressed as guests arrive while I’m still cooking or putting the finishing touches on my makeup.

But it all works out. Hosting is a massive job — and I’ve learned the more you do it, the better you get.

Invitation dos and don’ts

A party host’s job is to make guests feel important, happy and at ease, Meier and Jokilehto said. A lot of that boils down to preparation and communication.

“A great invitation isn’t just about getting people through the door,” Meier said. “It’s about making them feel comfortable before they even arrive.”

Think through what your guests’ experience and questions may be from their arrival to departure, Meier said. Generally, the more details you can give, the better. If there’s an end time, say so, or if not, write “9 p.m. — late,” for example. List the RSVP deadline, the theme or dress code, a request for dietary restrictions and allergies, and maybe some details about what your event will involve, such as a costume contest or karaoke.

If you’re throwing a potluck, list specific guidelines — especially so you don’t end up with five desserts and no sides because guests chose what was easiest. Ask everyone to bring their favorite side dish or include a sign-up sheet on the invitation. Hosts should always make themselves responsible for the main dish — typically a protein — serveware, flatware, beverages and drinkware, Jokilehto added.

Don’t ask invitees to chip in financially, Meier said. You’re either hosting or you’re not, so if your funds are limited, only throw a party you can afford.

Depending on where you live, you may need to provide more navigational details than just your address. My residence is a bit hard to find once people enter the neighborhood — so on my invitations or in subsequent details, I also include specific instructions. If you live in a gated community, include the code, and during the party, monitor your phone in case anyone needs help.

The uninvited

If you’re concerned about having too many guests or keeping the vibe adult-only, there are friendlier ways to handle that than writing “no kids” or “no plus-ones” on the invitation.

For kids, Meier suggests a kindly worded disclaimer on the invitation. She likes the phrases “We look forward to an adults-only evening,” or “We love your little ones, but this is an adults-only celebration,” she said.

Jokilehto advised that invitations should list the names of the people in the household that are invited. Most guests will infer that others are not invited when they RSVP. And if you know someone tends to bring their kids without asking, you can even preemptively call to let them know what your wishes are for the event.

If the event is intimate or you don’t have the space, you could ask guests in the invitation to contact you for any questions about plus-ones.

Party host prep school

A common host mistake is underestimating the time needed to clean, cook, decorate and set up, Jokilehto said.

If you relate to that misstep, give yourself twice as much time as you think you need to prepare. Ideally, all major preparations are done 60 to 90 minutes before the party’s start time, Meier said. All you should have left to do then is smaller tasks, such as lighting candles, setting food and drinks out, or finishing getting yourself ready. This strategy also gives you space to address any mishaps and take a breather before guests arrive.

As a rule of thumb, buy any decor or supplies the week before your event, deep clean your house within the week of, and purchase any fresh food and drinks the day before, sources said. And getting more than you think you’ll need and having leftovers, for yourself or your guests, is better than hoping you have enough and running out too soon. A good spread is especially important if people will be drinking. Always provide nonalcoholic beverage options, too.

A simple meal served thoughtfully is better than an elaborate one that leaves you exhausted, Meier said. Avoid trying new, untested recipes, said etiquette coach Maryanne Parker, founder of Manor of Manners, an international business, social and youth etiquette consultancy in San Diego.

When you’re setting up, place serveware near every dish and open anything with a lid or packaging. People are more comfortable digging into something when they know they’re not the first.

If you’ll have guests with food allergies or restrictions, use little signs to indicate which foods do or don’t contain certain ingredients, Meier said. If you have a seating chart, place people near food they can eat, Parker said. And in general, seat guests near others with whom they have something in common.

Many hosts also need to put a little more thought into readying their bathroom — guests shouldn’t have to dry their hands on their pants because you neglected to provide hand towels. Also, keep extra toilet paper visible, your hand soap full and some air freshener on the counter, so everyone can use the bathroom without embarrassment or disgust.

Want to impress guests upon their arrival? In Meier’s 2020 book “Modern Etiquette Made Easy,” she suggested ticking off the “five senses of hosting.” You might have cinnamon sticks boiling in water so people can smell something nice, a festive playlist going, warm lighting, cozy decor they can feel, and a tasty appetizer they can eat.

In the mix

If you’re hosting mixed company, never leave guests to fend for themselves socially. While outgoing people may have no issue with inserting themselves into a group or chat, for more reserved attendees, that can feel awkward or even daunting.

Of course, there are times when the host needs to focus on other things, but “you are the social connector of everyone in that room,” Meier said. “Your job isn’t simply introducing people but helping them find a common denominator.” Maybe you know two of your guests share an alma mater or are huge fans of the same artist.

You can also plan icebreaker activities. At my sister’s last Friendsgiving, she had everyone play a sort of social bingo game, in which multiple rounds group people together based on shared fun facts or interests, like favorite candies or holidays. You can find online many variations on this activity.

“Be very clued into guests standing alone, struggling to enter a conversation,” Meier said. “You don’t have to force somebody, but just make sure they’re included.”

Game time

When your guests arrive, welcome them, take their purse or coat, let them know where everything is, and offer them a drink, glass of water and/or appetizer. And don’t be afraid to let visitors know the boundaries of your home, Jokilehto added, such as no shoes, smoking or letting the dog out.

If you’re serving a meal, try to do so no more than an hour after the start time, Meier said.

And pay attention to visitors’ body language, experts said. Some hosts keep their home on the warmer side or vice versa, and they aren’t aware of when people are uncomfortable but not saying so. Setting your thermostat at 69 degrees Fahrenheit (20.5 degrees Celsius), whether that’s heat or air depending on the season, is a good start.

If you didn’t get to fulfill every single element of your hosting hopes and dreams, at this point you must let it go.

Only you know what your vision was, while your guests are probably more than happy and impressed. “Perfection isn’t the goal,” Meier said. “Hospitality and connection is.”

If you didn’t set an end time for your occasion, there are “very nice and nuanced ways to let people know,” Jokilehto said. You can start cleaning up when guests have eaten dessert and conversation has started to wind down. Most people follow suit within half an hour or so.

For anyone not getting the hint, offer to pack up any food they may want to take home. Or throw in a “I’m so glad you came,” or “Well, this was fun!” Others may appreciate clear communication instead of hints. “I’m wiped out, guys. I need to get to bed,” should do it.

And whatever else happens, you’ll know what to do. “A good host is very intuitive and has very high social and emotional intelligence,” she added, “which I think is more important now than ever.”

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