Advice for families helping children understand tragedies

With another devastating weekend for the country, many wonder how to move forward?

And with children heading back to school in the next weeks, how can you help them cope with nervousness or anxiety about being in public places and even returning to school?

News Channel 3 spoke with a licensed family therapist with advice on how families can address this tragedy with their children.

“I speak with a lot of young people and families about their fears with school shootings and mass shootings,” Kelley Lewallen Clinical Director and licensed therapist at Desert Marriage & Family Counseling told News Channel 3. “My personal story is that my youngest son had a friend die in the Thousand Oaks shooting as well as a friend who he hosted a party for who was shot in the Las Vegas shooting and she did survive so I asked myself how is it possible that my son knows two people shot in a mass shooting and this is his reality,” she shared.

Lewallen believes it’s a reality we cannot overlook.

“I think we are becoming numb … now it’s just another day,” she said.

Step one of coping is to talk about it, especially with children.

“Children are being exposed to this violence and they don’t have the emotional capacity to manage it and intellectually understand what is happening,” she said.

The conversation might go something like this…

“Honey, I know you’re scared I know you’re really worried about it. It’s really sad what’s going on and there are a lot of sad mommies and daddies around. It’s really hard and it’s very sad,” She said. “Just validate the experience,” she added.

And to remember the families affected. Putting thoughts and prayers into action by writing a letter or having your kids draw a photo to send to the families will help them grasp what is going on.

“If a child comes to you and asks to talk and is afraid, it’s important to take them seriously and not just to say it’s going to be okay honey. That doesn’t help,” she said.

Lewallen also recommends not talking about tragedies at the dinner table but instead to set up a separate family meeting.

“Conversations at dinner should be about pleasant topics,” she said. In those family meetings talk about a family’s safety plan.

You can find more advice on how to cope with tragedies like what we have recently seen in the news, on the American Psychological Association website at apa.org.