A road to acceptance and happiness: The Coming Out Experience

The coming out experience is different for many people part of the LGBTQ+ community. While some are met with love and compassion from loved ones, others describe loss and resentment.

Meet Alan Krug, a 77-year-old Palm Springs resident. Before Krug came to Palm Springs he lived an entire life, the complete opposite of the one he lives now.

He was married to a woman and had a relationship with both his son and daughter and many friends.

In 2015 Krug was in the hospital after suffering many medical issues, and that's when he was told by doctors he had the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV).

Krug described what happened after that to be the beginning of the end, but something that was long coming.

"My wife told me I would never come home again, which I never did," he said.

Krug had an affair with a man for seven years leading up to his diagnosis. He was gay and it was finally out in the open.

"In my 50’s I realized was gay, but because I was married I didn’t know how to deal with it," Krug explained.

The beginning of the end was the end of his marriage, the end of his relationship with his son, and the end of many friendships. This was also the end of Krug hiding who he felt like he truly was, and despite the losses, he said the turn of events turned out to be a relief. This was now the start of a new kind of happiness he felt he neglected for so long.

Not long after Krug moved to Palm Springs and started a new life and new relationships with what he calls his chosen family.

“I came here [Palm Springs] at the age of 70. I had to start all over again," he said. "I think my biggest fear, and it is fear, is you think you’re so old how can you start all over again. But you can. You know? You really can.”

According to the National Institute of Health, by 2030 the number of lesbian, gay, and bisexual men over 65 years old in the United States will represent 20% of the population.

Steve Rossetti is a DAP Health Career Development Specialist and runs a group called "The Coming Out Experience". He said over the last three years since the group's inception 30% of the men participating in the group came out after the age of 35 years old.

“For some people coming out really is more of a process than an event," Rossetti explained. "Many people say coming out is a lifelong process.”

This is just one of the many groups held at DAP Health's Wellness Center. The Coming Out Experience group works with people to deal with the emotions behind their experiences and helps them cope with how to move forward.

While on one end there are those who wait years to finally be their true self, on the other there are those who show their true colors at a much younger age.

Bill Bruner who is a Peer Support Specialist at DAP Health told a similar yet different story about his coming out experience.

Bruner, a Chicago native, said he came out to his parents when he was 21 years old in 1977 and living in Los Angeles while in the entertainment industry.

“I remember on the phone calling them saying well I’m moving in with my, I think I said my other half," he recalled. "All my mom said was don’t do this to me, and I said I’m not doing anything to you.”

It was because of the friends in Bruner's life at the time he said he was able to fully come out and tell the world he was gay. Bruner said his parents passed away not accepting him for who he was.

Bruner and Krug said they have learned to accept what is, and what was lost. Both said they live happy lives in Palm Springs, surrounded by people who love them.

Both share their coming out experience in hopes it helps someone else finally accept who they are and be able to express that freely.

DAP Health's The Coming Out Experience meets via Zoom on Thursdays from 10:00 to 11:00 a.m. Those interested are encouraged to call Steve Rossetti at 760.322.6378, or to email him at SRossetti@DAPHealth.org.